Should I stay or should I go...

[Chucker]

Marriages that work have one thing in common - both people want to be in the marriage.

Marriages that don't work have one thing in common - one or both people DON'T want to be in the marriage.

If I were you, I would ask her which group she's in. It looks like she's in the second group and you're in the first. The problem is, you both need to be in the first. At 23, I'd say cut your losses. Sticking it out in when one of you doesn't want to be there just makes things worse over time.

Also, people who don't want to be together should never stay together for their children. I'm not saying you shouldn't try to work it out, but once you come to the realization you can't, end it for the sake of the children. The children end up being affected negatively because they live in a bad situation.

 

[RooKie]

Thanks for the advice CC. Sad to tell you that I've already given that a try. Have tried to do more things that she suggests, going on trips together, going to watch movies she wants, I make sure to have breakfast ready for her and my lil boy before they wake up (and it's damn good! ), forced myself to agree with things she says that I know are COMPLETELY WRONG, etc. And even with all that, she questions when I tell her that I love her, she says that I don't mean the things I say or DO. I've told her that if I didn't love her I could have just dumped her when I found out she cheated, but instead am here working my a$$ off at trying to fix things and trying to make HER happy... she still discredits me. Lack of common sense and social IQ?

I wish an "I Love You" could warm up her heart and make things better, but it doesn't... an "I Love You" is answered with a "Why? You're just infatuated". WTF?

Sorry for the :hijack:. Kind of :deadhorse: when it comes to my relationship. I'm in the same situation as danieljardim... it's all for my boy.

And no, our conflicts don't interfere with our son, we're civil about it and act kind of like friends with 0 affection towards each other and we don't even fight anymore since we don't care much for one another, but we both give all our love to our lil man.

 

[dart1963]

Reading this you just described the past six months of my life, but for the sake of my kids I'm trying to turn this around.

For the sake of kids is sometimes the best reason to move on... end it, be respectful, and both of you move on with your own lives.... keep the kids out of it when it comes to you and your spouse, whatever agreement you come to for custody, spend every minute you can with your kids.

 

[CrazyCawi]

Those things u gave her are tangible and her rebuttals to your I love you SCREAMS she doesn't FEEL it. Touch her heart not her tangible wants/desires

You say you have tried it but it doesn't seem as though you have with all do respect. You have tried to show your affection by taking her out and soon thins or giving her things like the breakfast thing or movies Ect....those are all temporary

 

[danieljardim]

Those things u gave her are tangible and her rebuttals to your I love you SCREAMS she doesn't FEEL it. Touch her heart not her tangible wants/desires.

CC = Dr. Love. (gotta change your sig).

(Sorry guys, just trying to bring morale up a little on this thread).

 

[Xanroth]

Your child will *always* be your child. Your wife, well... might not always be your wife.

Kick rocks. You're so young man.. trust me, its recoverable. I didnt notice the signs myself when I was your age (My girl would stay up all hours of the night telling me she's playing a game, but in reality she was AIM'ing my best friend.. who she was screwing).

Now, I'm married to the best, and I'm having a great time.

It'll be the hardest thing to swallow for a while. But just do what you can to get away (I joined the Navy and went to Spain for 2 years)...

Good luck man and keep us updated.. Im sure all of us are here for ya bro.

 

[RooKie]

Those things u gave her are tangible and her rebuttals to your I love you SCREAMS she doesn't FEEL it. Touch her heart not her tangible wants/desires.

it's not about the trips, movie, taking her places, it's about the fact that those are things that I don't normally do but have been agreeing with her when she suggests it... I think agreeing with her and letting her call she shots is not tangible but emotionally empowering, which is what she said I restricted from her. The helping out around the house could be tangible, but she knows I do it because she's always pissed when she has to do those things, so I'm trying to keep her happy by taking on all this tasks. I don't know and I've asked her what it is that I'm not giving her, and SHE doesn't know... there just isn't any chemistry between us. At least from her to me.

You know I don't even want to hang on to her anymore... You're doing p90x, right? How would you feel if after you're making some good gains, your wife came to you and told you... "you have chicken legs and you look funny" then when I tell her that I'm not concerned and that I'm just happy that I'm getting some definition back on my bod, she tells me "I don't see it, you still look fat"... WTF? she wasn't angry or anything, this is her speaking to me casually...

I have NOTHING to gain from this relationship but heart-aches and constant crushing of self-confidence. I'm done (been done for almost a year) and just waiting until i get a better paying job to move out!

 

[RooKie]

CC = Dr. Love. (gotta change your sig).

(Sorry guys, just trying to bring morale up a little on this thread).

LOL... fo sho. You're really positive CC. Wish I could be more like you.

 

[fltdriver]

:deadhorse:

I would break it off, once a cheater always a cheater. How does that song go? "You can't turn a hoe into a housewife".

You could hope for what happened with CC and maybe she will realize that she loves you and try to win you back (now you have the upper hand).

Prolly won't happen so just make sure everything is on civil terms for your kids sake.


If she has a sister try to nail her, if no sis, then bang one of her friends, that's always a nice tuch. J/K. Well....no I'm not, it beats :jerk: plus if she gets angry about it then you know she still cares and she will :surrender:

 

[RooKie]

:deadhorse:

I would break it off, once a cheater always a cheater. How does that song go? "You can't turn a hoe into a housewife".

You could hope for what happened with CC and maybe she will realize that she loves you and try to win you back (now you have the upper hand).

Prolly won't happen so just make sure everything is on civil terms for your kids sake.


If she has a sister try to nail her, if no sis, then bang one of her friends, that's always a nice tuch. J/K. Well....no I'm not, it beats :jerk: plus if she gets angry about it then you know she still cares and she will :surrender:

"A bitch is a bitch, but a dog is a man's best friend"

 

[fltdriver]

"A bitch is a bitch, but a dog is a man's best friend"

What is that song?

 

[RooKie]

What is that song?

Dr. Dre - Housewife[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gw8luwwwXzc]Housewife - Dr Dre, Hitman, Kurupt - YouTube[/ame]

 

[r0ar]

Wow My original plan was to reply back to everyone haha umm that would be a lot of posts by me. I will say I have tried to get her to do counseling before but after reading over a lot of these messages I sent it to her and kinda talked about it a bit different. More so in a way that shows benefit to her. I appreciate the feedback on this horribly complex situation from everyone. CC thank you for putting your situation out there just as much as I did. That takes a lot man and I truly appreciate it . I think the fact we have only had sex with each other also adds to complexity of the issue . Because like you guys have said its all we have ever known.

 

[CrazyCawi]

it's not about the trips, movie, taking her places, it's about the fact that those are things that I don't normally do but have been agreeing with her when she suggests it... I think agreeing with her and letting her call she shots is not tangible but emotionally empowering, which is what she said I restricted from her. The helping out around the house could be tangible, but she knows I do it because she's always pissed when she has to do those things, so I'm trying to keep her happy by taking on all this tasks. I don't know and I've asked her what it is that I'm not giving her, and SHE doesn't know... there just isn't any chemistry between us. At least from her to me.

You know I don't even want to hang on to her anymore... You're doing p90x, right? How would you feel if after you're making some good gains, your wife came to you and told you... "you have chicken legs and you look funny" then when I tell her that I'm not concerned and that I'm just happy that I'm getting some definition back on my bod, she tells me "I don't see it, you still look fat"... WTF? she wasn't angry or anything, this is her speaking to me casually...

I have NOTHING to gain from this relationship but heart-aches and constant crushing of self-confidence. I'm done (been done for almost a year) and just waiting until i get a better paying job to move out!

She says those things to get a rise out of you which comes down to the attention factor again....

 

[Detrich]

There is a lot to be said about love, forgiveness, & reconciliation. But, only you can determine if & when it's over or if & when to reconcile.

We all just want you to choose the decision that is the best one and the one right for you and your situation. Only you can do that..

Just be smart. Be calm. And, do what's right. But, no matter what- don't let her take advantage of you.

 

[CrazyCawi]

Wow My original plan was to reply back to everyone haha umm that would be a lot of posts by me. I will say I have tried to get her to do counseling before but after reading over a lot of these messages I sent it to her and kinda talked about it a bit different. More so in a way that shows benefit to her. I appreciate the feedback on this horribly complex situation from everyone. CC thank you for putting your situation out there just as much as I did. That takes a lot man and I truly appreciate it . I think the fact we have only had sex with each other also adds to complexity of the issue . Because like you guys have said its all we have ever known.

Anything for another brother.

 

[Perdurable]

wow man i know everyone is gonna say leave but that really sucks for your kid... trust me soo ya im just gonna throw this out there!!!

(just gonna say this first)
Have you ever seen a women who gets abused... cheat on her husband
(now i know what your thinking "PERD YOU SICK GUY")
its a joke chill out but.... its kinda true =(

1.If you leave your daughter has to deal with that for the rest of her life
(this happened to me when i was 6 and it makes life messed up)

2.If yous stay and work things out.... its unlikely she will straighten out =/

3.If you Break you co workers jaw.... he will be in the hospital and she will go see him to make sure hes ok




So here is what i think you should do
Go for a nice long bike ride
Think it over and attempt to think of a way to sort this out in your favor
talk to the inlaws if need be lol i dont know but think man think and ride!!!

I hope all works out for you buddy best of luck

 

[Wooster]

Leave her a**. In less than a year she will be crawling back to you when she realizes the grass isnt greener on the other side. At that point you tell her to F'off again and flash your new hot girlfriend in front of her.

 

[RooKie]

wow man i know everyone is gonna say leave but that really sucks for your kid... trust me soo ya im just gonna throw this out there!!!

3.If you Break you co workers jaw.... he will be in the hospital and she will go see him to make sure hes ok

So here is what i think you should do
Go for a nice long bike ride
Think it over and attempt to think of a way to sort this out in your favor
talk to the inlaws if need be lol i dont know but think man think and ride!!!

I hope all works out for you buddy best of luck

I don't know about riding while thinking about this... when this happened to me there were many times that while riding to/from work I pulled the throttle all the way back and contemplated the thought of riding directly into a highway overpass (I'm over that, no need to worry). Should not ride while angry IMO...

About the breaking jaw... it will also land you in jail and in case the wife wants to be a b*tch she can use that against you to restrict visits with your kid.

 

[See red]

I am one who firmly bellives in vows meaning something. I don't say to throw away a marriage, however, if she left..... it's over. She made the decision. done, move one, go fix yourself. You are damaged, wait a few months, you'll see.



I am sorry for your daughter...... do right by her. The rest will be fine.