[NSFW] This is a bar. Tell me a joke. [NSFW]

[Anthony]

YO MOMMA LIKE JOKES


Yo momma like spoiled milk, fat and chunkyYo momma like cake mix, 15 servings per package
Yo momma like chinese food: sweet, sour and cheap!
Yo momma like castlebury stew: servings are family size
Yo momma like the sun - if you stare at her too long you're gonna go blind

 

[Anthony]

You're So Ugly


You're so ugly, when you walk into the bank they turn off the cameras.

If ugliness were bricks, you would be the Great Wall Of China.

You're so ugly, you went to a haunted house and came out with an application.

If ugliness was a crime, you'd get the electric chair.

You were so ugly at birth, your parents named you Shit Happens.

You're so ugly, your mate won't have to worry about birth control...your face will do just fine.

You're so ugly, you could model for death threats.

You're so ugly, when you were born they put tinted windows on your incubator.

You're so ugly, you have to sneak up on your mirror.

You're so ugly, when you look in the mirror your reflection turns to stone.

You're so ugly, when you sit in the sand the cats try to bury you.

You're so ugly, your doctor is a vet.

You're so ugly, when you were born the doctor took one look at you and slapped your parents.

You're so ugly, you stuck your head out of the car window and got arrested for mooning.

You're so ugly, your pet name is Scooby-Doo.

Your girl is so ugly, you gave her a hickey and got a mouthful of fur.

You're so ugly, you have to Trick or Treat by phone.

You're so ugly, when your mother went into labor your father went into shock.

You're so ugly, every time your mother looks at you she says to herself, "Damn, I should've
just given head."

I know why you look like a horse, because I saw your mother grazing in the field.

You're so ugly, when we play peek-a-boo - first I peeked, then I booed.

You're so ugly, you can sink your face in dough and make monster cookies.

You're so ugly, they call you Taco Bell, when people see you they run for the border.

You're so ugly, you make onions cry.

You're so ugly, the tide wouldn't bring you in.

You're so ugly, I took you to see the zookeeper and he said, "Thanks for bringing him back."

You're so ugly, you mother had to get drunk before she breast fed you.

You're so ugly, you went to a freak show and got a permanent job.

You're so ugly, the police sketch artists are afraid to draw you.

You're so ugly, when you get sick they call the vet.

You're so ugly, you make blind kids cry.

You're so ugly, farmers use your picture as a scarecrow.

You're so ugly, every time you go out you get chased by the dog catcher.

You're so ugly, when you jerk off your hand tries to fall asleep.

You're so ugly, you can't hail a bus.

You're so ugly, they call you Moses because every time you step in the lake, the water parts.

You're so ugly, you give Freddy Kruegger nightmares.

You're so ugly, they let you park in handicapped spaces.

You're so ugly, when you threw a boomerang it didn't come back.

You're so ugly, when you went to the zoo they refused to let you out.

You're so ugly, you can't get a date off the calendar.

You're so ugly, when your mother went into labor the doctors went on strike.

You're so ugly, your last name is Link and your first is Missing.

You're so ugly, people put your picture in their car window as an anti-theft device.

You're so ugly, that you can turn milk into yogurt, just by looking at it.

You're so ugly, people create a Jackson Pollock style painting when they spew on the floor.

 

[Anthony]

Silly sex Jokes..

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?
A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

Q: Whats a condom and a coffin got in common?
A: They both hold stiffs but one is cumin and one is going!

Q: When is a man most intelligent, before, after or during sex?
A: During sex cuz he's plugged up to the knowledge source=

Q: Why do women like to have sex with the lights off?
A: They can't stand to see a man have a good time!

Sex is like math.
Add a bed, Subtract the clothes, Divide the legs, and pray you don’t Multiply!

Sex is like a misdameanor, the more I miss it, da meaner I get

Q: How do you know if you have a high sperm count ?
A: If she has to chew before she can swallow.

Q: Two potatos are standing on a corner, how can you tell which one is a prostitute?
A: The one that says IDAHO!

Q: What did the penis say to the condom?
A: Cover me im going in!

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...."
The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"

Q: How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
A: Call her and tell her.

Girl: "Hey, what's up?"
Boy: "If I tell you, will you sit on it?"

Q: What’s the difference between you and eggs?
A: Eggs get laid and you don’t

Q: What do you call mobile porn?
A: Flash Drive

Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"?
Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"

Q: How can you tell which is the head nurse?
A: She's the one with the dirty knees.

Have you noticed that more and more women are having their navel’s pierced?
That's because its a handy place to hang the air freshener.

How do you make your girlfriend cry while having sex?...Phone her!

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.

Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent....
Wedding cake.

What is the difference between erotic sex and kinky sex?
During erotic sex you use a feather, during kinky sex you use the whole chicken.

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mother!

Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long."
Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it."

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Q: How do you properly **** a fat woman?
A: Role her around in flower and find the wet spot!

Whats the differance between a roast beef sandwich and a blow job?
( "I don’t know what?" )
You don’t know? soooo...you wanna do lunch tomorrow?

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis?
The man.

Q: What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.

Q: What does ****ing a woman and cooking an egg in the microwave have in common?
A: Both end with a loud, annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean up.

Q: Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
A: To find a tight seal.

Q: What’s the difference between light and hard?
A: You can sleep with a light on.

Q: How do mermaids reproduce?
A: Seamen.

Q: Why is fresh air a lot like sex?
A: Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

Why do men have a hole in their penis?
So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.

Q: Why did god give woman 2 sets of lips?
A: So they can piss & moan at ths same time!

Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love?
A: "Honey, I'm home."

Q: How could the redneck mom tell that her daughter was on her period?
A: She could taste the blood on her son’s dick!

Q: How is sex like air?
A: It's no big thing unless you aren't getting any.

Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Q: What can a girl put behind her ears to make her sexy?
A: Her knees.

Q: What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
A: Sex.

Q: What does the sign on the whore house say, after they have closed for the day?
A: We're Closed, Beat It!

Q: Why Is Sex Like Riding A Bike?
A: You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.

Q: What do tofu and a dildo have in common?
A: They are both meat substitutes.

Q: What is the difference between a sin and shame?
A: It's a sin to stick it in and a shame to take it out.

Q: What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs ?
A: A clit around the ear and a flap across the face!

Q: What is hard and pink when it goes in and soft and wet when it comes out?
A: Bubblegum you dirty minded pervert!

Q: What do a good employee and a lousy lover have in common?
A: They're always coming early.

Q: What's the smallest hotel in the world?
A: a pussy, because you have to leave the bags outside.

Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A: Women don't get blowjobs while they're driving.

Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a telephone pole?
A: a 10 foot cock that wants to touch someone.

Q: Which of the following words does not belong: meat, eggs, wife, blowjob.
A: Blowjob. You can beat your meat, eggs, and wife; but you can’t beat a blowjob.

Q: What do you call a whore with her own car?
A: Feels on Wheels!

Q: What do you do with a years worth of used condoms?
A: Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear.

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: He wiped his ass

Q: Did you hear about the spread that lost its virginity?
A: It got marmalaid

Q: Why is sex like a game of bridge?
A: You either need a good partner or a good hand.

A man goes to the doctor suffering from premature ejaculation.
"Can you do anything to help me, Doc?" said the man.
"No, but I can give you the address of a woman who has a short attention span" replied the doctor.

Q: What is the difference between women and a washing machine?
A: The washing machine doesn’t follow you around for two weeks after you put a load into it

Q: Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize an egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

If you force sex on a prostitute, is it rape or shoplifting? you choose.

Q: What did the left nut say to the right nut?
A: Don´t talk to the guy in the middle, he´s a dick.

Q: Why Is Sex Like Riding A Bike?
A: You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.

Q: What do blondes say after sex?
A: "Thanks, guys!".

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Q: What’s the difference between being hungry and horny?
A: Where you put the cucumber.

Q: Why don't they teach Driver's Ed and sex education on the same day in the Middle East?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.

Q: What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave?
A: A microwave doesn't brown your meat!

Q: What do you call it when a guy cums in his hands, then claps?
A: a baby shower!

Q: What do you call it when a boy and girl make love for the first time?
A: Cumming of Age.

Q: What's a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common?
A: In each scenario there was a DUMBASS who didn't take it out in time.

Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.

Q: What is similarity between woman and mobile?
A: They both are charged at night.

Q: What did the Banana say to the Vibrator?
A: Why are you laughing? I'm the one going to be eaten.

 

[Bert-Aus]

A Taliban Tale

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a British soldier selling regimental ties.

The Taliban asked, "Have you any water?"
The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead? They are only £10."

The Taliban shouted, "You idiot infidel! I don't need an overpriced tie, I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"
"OK," said the soldier, "It doesn't matter that you that you hate me. I'll show you that I am a much better human being than you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles you'll find our Sergeants' Mess. It has all the ice-cold water you need."

Cursing him, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Some time later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration & rasped, "They won't let me in without a f-------g tie!"

 

[BKP]

NORWEGIAN VIRGIN WEDDING​

Olof Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota, took a lightning-quick kick from a cow right in his crotch. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said: "How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance, Lena, is still a Virgin in every vay."

The doctor told him, "Olof, I'll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal, and keep it straight. It should be okay next week, but leave it on dere as long as you can."

He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together, quite an impressive work of art.

Olof mentioned none of this to Lena, married her, and they went on their honeymoon to Duluth.
That night in the Motel 6, Lena ripped open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She said: "Olof you're the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez."

Olof immediately dropped his pants and replied: "Look at dis Lena, still in DA CRATE!"

 

[Detrich]

Omg I couldn't stop laughing reading this one. Hahaha. Good one.

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated
general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch and some wine. Life is good.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...

 

[Bert-Aus]

CAUTION Could be considered Racist

Dating Protocols for Men
ANGLO/SAXON WOMEN:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third date: You get to have sex but only when she wants to and only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN:
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.


ITALIAN WOMEN:
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress.


CHINESE WOMEN:
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you realize nothing is ever going to happen.


INDIAN WOMEN:
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.


BLACK WOMEN:
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone else.


MEXICAN WOMEN:
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma,
her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that
used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.

JEWISH WOMEN:
First Date: You spend all your money to impress her.
Second Date: You take a loan to keep the image.
Third Date: You're broke, she finds someone wealthier.


ARAB WOMEN:
First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab community finds out.
Second Date: You are shot dead in the street and your balls are fed to the goats.
No third date!

The POINT is ?

'DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN?'

 

[Deathdiesel]

Lol my other half is part irish. Love it.

 

[Detrich]

Roflmao. Omg hilarious. Hahaha. x.X

Dating Protocols for Men
ANGLO/SAXON WOMEN:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third date: You get to have sex but only when she wants to and only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN:
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.


ITALIAN WOMEN:
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress.


CHINESE WOMEN:
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you realize nothing is ever going to happen.


INDIAN WOMEN:
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.


BLACK WOMEN:
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone else.


MEXICAN WOMEN:
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma,
her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that
used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.

JEWISH WOMEN:
First Date: You spend all your money to impress her.
Second Date: You take a loan to keep the image.
Third Date: You're broke, she finds someone wealthier.


ARAB WOMEN:
First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab community finds out.
Second Date: You are shot dead in the street and your balls are fed to the goats.
No third date!

The POINT is ?

'DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN?'

 

[JT]

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. ' Hello ? '
'Is your daddy home?' he asked.

' Yes ,' whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?'

The child whispered, ' No .'

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your MOmmy there?' ' Yes '
'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, ' No '

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'

' Yes , ' whispered the child, ' a policeman . '

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'

' No, he's busy , ' whispered the child.

'Busy doing what?'

' Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman , ' came the whispered answer..

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'

' A helicopter ' answered the whispering voice.

'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered,

' The search team just landed a helicopter '

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...








' ME . '

 

[Schybrid]

you momma soo old, rainbows were "black & white" in her day.

 

[danieljardim]

I was shopping in south Auckland yesterday and there was a weird looking child running around like a lunatic.

I said to the bloke standing next to me, "that is one ugly ****ing kid."

He looked at me and snarled, "do you mind, that's my son over there."

I smiled and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were his dad."

He said, "I'm not his dad. I'm his mother!"

 

[danieljardim]

What deep thinkers us men are.......

I was having a cold beer the other day, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.

Finally I thought about an age old question:

Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful
than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I
have come up with the answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby;
and here is the reason for my conclusion.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "it might be nice to have another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case, time for another beer.

 

[danieljardim]

I'm thinking of becoming a writer of erotic literature, catering for premature ejaculators. Here is my first attempt at a novel:

She walked into the room naked.

The End.

 

[danieljardim]

There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband...

For example...

A wife comes home late at night, and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.

She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Leaving the covered bodies groaning, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

"Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say "hello"?

 

[Bert-Aus]

NON PC fun

I was asked to be in a marathon and I said no chance.

Then I was told it was for spastic and blind kids and I thought “F#$k it. I could win that.”

 

[Bert-Aus]

The Cremated Husband

Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table.Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him....

"You know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!"
She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said, "Remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!"

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said, "Remember that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!"
Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "Remember that blow job I promised you?"

"Here it comes."

 

[Bert-Aus]

First time sex

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.


Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.


At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.

"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.


10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious..'


The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'

 

[Bert-Aus]

The Black Bra (as told by a married woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.

One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams...I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.


The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.


Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said,

" What's for dinner, Zorro?"

 

[Bert-Aus]