The Pro's & Con's of being the Hulk. Written by Anthony.
Stats: 6"8/6"9, 290lbs
Con's:
#1 You can't hide in a crowd.
#2 You can't buy clothes or shoes at the mall.
#3 You can't fit in a sports car or any rear car seat.
#4 You can't hear people in a crowd without bending over.
#5 You have to duck under most residential & even commercial doorways.
#6 Sometimes you forget to duck.
#7 Everything is small through your eyes. Glasses, plates, chairs, even beds. This cannot be stressed enough.
#8 People point you to the "tall section" thinking that their "tall section" is actually tall.
#9 It cost more to clothe, feed & house you.
#10 You are asked if you played football/basketball literally 20 times a day, everyday.
#11 People always remind you that you are tall.
#12 People stare like a mofo.
#13 The sink & toilet seem like they're on the floor.
#14 Steps seem too narrow.
#15 when looking straight, you can't see things, including people.
#16 When going out to eat, it seems as though you are sitting on a thimble, at a child's tea party.
#17 You can't ride many theme park rides.
#18 You see the tops of everyone's heads.
#19 Everyone seems like a smurf/midget.
#20 You can't fit on anything properly. Chairs, couches, houses, planes.
#21 Every piece of clothing you own, is a half inch too short somewhere.
#22 They call it the big & tall. But it should be called the FAT & tall. If you are not fat, your f*cked at those stores.
#23 Little people are annoying. They get handicap access, while yo have to park far away.
#24 Whether a chick is 5"2 or 5"9 makes no difference through your eyes.
#25 Your knees will eventually hurt.
#26 Having larger body parts is great while being single, but not practical in real life.
#27 Tall women who are 6 foot or taller will stalk you forever.
#28 Short men will always attempt to test you.
#28 short business men will always attempt to screw you over.
#29 Attempting to fit/own an FZ6R is almost comical.
#30 Short people will always pull on your clothes to get your attention.
#31 Your wife will hide sh*t from you in the bottom drawers knowing that you will never bend down to look there.
#32 You break everything. Chairs, handles, everything you grab, breaks.
#33 People think you are angry.
#34 Some people are intimidated & avoid you.
#35 You have to duck to see yourself in the bathroom mirror.
#36 People don't attempt to fist fight you, They make an attempt to wrestle you instead. Or they assume they have to shoot/stab you.
#37 Friends ask you to change light bulbs.
#38 If pulled over, the officer will always ask you to step out of the vehicle.
#39 You can't take a bath.
#40 You won't live as long. Either heart attack or cancer simply because there is more of you.
#41 your feet hang off every bed.
#42 When you take a shower, the shower head is aimed directly at your face.
#43 Your back hurts.
#44 The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
#45 You can't fit in a tanning bed.
#46 Small dogs always attack you, especially when the dogs owner insists the dog doesn't bite.
#47 You won't bend down to pick up change, even if they're quarters.
#48 If you see a dollar bill on the floor, you still have to consider if it's worth it to bend down & pick it up.
#49 If you try to pee in a urinal, there is a real possibility that you may accidentally pee on the person next to you.
#50 If a Woman Has Big breasts, to you, they are still small as your hands are huge.
#51 If a Woman has small breasts, then you're really in trouble.
#52 At a Bar/Club, as soon as you enter you can see the bouncer talking in his earpiece saying "hey watch this guy".
#53 Ceiling fans. Need I say More?
#54 You have to duck under the shower curtain rod to take a shower.
#54 When your near most females, your manhood is almost at their eye level. Disclaimer: (at one time, this was a PRO)
#55 When shaking anyone's hand, You almost always hurt them accidentally.
#56 You will be asked your shoe size on average of ounce every other day, followed by some sort of joke.
#57 While walking behind someone, you seem to accidentally kick them or step on their heel.
#58 While calmly walking with anyone, they often tell you to stop running.
#59 You can't have sex in a vehicle. At least, you can't do any of the work.
#60 You continuously elbow women & children in the forehead accidentally, but they always think you meant to do it.
#61 Everyone seems to think you are trying to get their atm password while standing behind them in line. (please refer to PROS #44)
#62 I was 14 pounds, 26 inches at birth. Needless to say, I'm an only child...
#63 You can't find a skateboard big enough.
#64 You can't play Put Put
#65 At the bowling alley, they only have one pair of shoes your size, which are normally pink & yellow. Also, you know that only other sloths your size have worn them before.
#66 With being tall comes big hands & long fingers allowing you to play the piano, However, Your Mother may marry your piano teacher after divorcing your father. (see pro #51)
#67 69 while exciting, is difficult as she can reach you, however you can't reach her in that position.
PRO's
#1 You can always see how much further you have to go when in line.
#2 You will always be picked first, to be on someones team, in any sport.
#3 Strangers think you are somebody important, maybe even famous.
#4 Without reservations, you always get seated next regardless of how many people are waiting for a table.
#5 Women often fantasize about sleeping with someone as tall as you, just ounce.
#6 Women often act on their fantasy eventually.
#7 People get out of your way.
#8 When you get angry, people pay attention.
#9 You can touch the rim, palm any basketball.
#10 You will never loose at thumb wrestling.
#11 You can walk up flights of stairs, 6-8 steps at a time.
#12 You have an advantage in any physical confrontation.
#13 No one can block you at a movie theater, sporting event, anywhere.
#14 You wear custom tailored suits because you can not buy off the rack.
#15 You can see down any woman's shirt.
#16 You are physically stronger than most.
#17 You always get shotgun even if someone else called it first.
#18 The biggest/tallest guy in the room besides yourself, instantly becomes your friend.
#19 You don't need any help grabbing items at sams club.
#20 You can often get small commercial roles as the tall guy, both on tv & in print.
#21 You can flat foot any bike.
#22 You don't need to ever step on your trucks running boards.
#23 You get to block people by sitting or standing in front of them.
#24 Most of your clothes are black or a solid color because they don't make that one cool shirt with all the designs for Hulks.
#25 You can protect your wife, friends in a physical situation.
#26 You can reach behind the couch.
#27 You can run very fast.
#28 You can jump higher than most.
#29 You have leverage on almost everything made for the average person.
#30 No One argues when you claim it's too small.
#31 While at the gym, you look like you belong.
#32 You can comfortably fit on a Hayabusa.
#33 Your wife cooks more.
#34 Large dogs like Pit Bulls & German shepherds, look like poodles to you.
#35 You don't sweat the small stuff.
#36 When a short person is talking smack to you, it's easier to walk away knowing that you could step on him like a marlboro if you wanted.
#37 Your voice carries farther.
#38 I know it's raining before you do.
#39 If a girl is thick, through your eyes you might not notice.
#40 At a bar or a club, you have no problem getting the bartenders attention.
#41 you can see over the bank tellers window.
#42 You can play pool better, reach any ball on the table.
#43 When you drop something onto the passenger side floor of a vehicle, you can reach over & pick it up.
#44 I can see your atm password.
#45 When a women tells you your the biggest she's ever had, she's probably telling the truth.
#46 When at an NFL or NBA game, it is easy to get autographs as the players probably think you played college ball ect, based on your size.
#47 You can normally get people to loan you money
#48 At the bar, you can bump into people intentionally & they won't do anything.
#49 Generally, you can cut in line.
#50 Tennis comes easy to you.
#51 Hulk's have long fingers, Which allow you to play the piano very well with practice (see con #66)
#52 Having long fingers allows you to please females who are attracted to long fingers.
#53 Having sex while the woman is on a counter top or washing machine is easy for you.
Jokes I like to play to keep life interesting...
#1 Hey Mr, do you play basketball? Look, i'm just here to get lunch today, no autographs please... OMG who are you?
#2 Hey Mr, You look like that one guy from that one movie. Please, quiet down, I've had a tough day & TMZ has been stalking me.
#3 Hey Mr, Do you play football? I'm not sure about this season, they only want to offer me 4.1 million for a 2 year extension but my agent says to hold out for 6.
#4 Hey Mr, how did you get to be so big & tall? As a child, I drank 2 gallons of milk a day.
#5 Hey Mr, How's the weather up there hahahaha? I don't know smurf, what's it like to be a jockey.
#6 Hey Mr, I wish I was as tall as you. It's good to have dreams.
#7 Hey Mr, You know what they say about men with big feet? No, But an X-GF said she now knows it's true (shrug)
#8 Hey Mr, You're really tall. Wow, you know? I never really thought about it until you brought it up. I guess I am heh.
There are many more, but I'm done typing this randomness...
Stats: 6"8/6"9, 290lbs
Con's:
#1 You can't hide in a crowd.
#2 You can't buy clothes or shoes at the mall.
#3 You can't fit in a sports car or any rear car seat.
#4 You can't hear people in a crowd without bending over.
#5 You have to duck under most residential & even commercial doorways.
#6 Sometimes you forget to duck.
#7 Everything is small through your eyes. Glasses, plates, chairs, even beds. This cannot be stressed enough.
#8 People point you to the "tall section" thinking that their "tall section" is actually tall.
#9 It cost more to clothe, feed & house you.
#10 You are asked if you played football/basketball literally 20 times a day, everyday.
#11 People always remind you that you are tall.
#12 People stare like a mofo.
#13 The sink & toilet seem like they're on the floor.
#14 Steps seem too narrow.
#15 when looking straight, you can't see things, including people.
#16 When going out to eat, it seems as though you are sitting on a thimble, at a child's tea party.
#17 You can't ride many theme park rides.
#18 You see the tops of everyone's heads.
#19 Everyone seems like a smurf/midget.
#20 You can't fit on anything properly. Chairs, couches, houses, planes.
#21 Every piece of clothing you own, is a half inch too short somewhere.
#22 They call it the big & tall. But it should be called the FAT & tall. If you are not fat, your f*cked at those stores.
#23 Little people are annoying. They get handicap access, while yo have to park far away.
#24 Whether a chick is 5"2 or 5"9 makes no difference through your eyes.
#25 Your knees will eventually hurt.
#26 Having larger body parts is great while being single, but not practical in real life.
#27 Tall women who are 6 foot or taller will stalk you forever.
#28 Short men will always attempt to test you.
#28 short business men will always attempt to screw you over.
#29 Attempting to fit/own an FZ6R is almost comical.
#30 Short people will always pull on your clothes to get your attention.
#31 Your wife will hide sh*t from you in the bottom drawers knowing that you will never bend down to look there.
#32 You break everything. Chairs, handles, everything you grab, breaks.
#33 People think you are angry.
#34 Some people are intimidated & avoid you.
#35 You have to duck to see yourself in the bathroom mirror.
#36 People don't attempt to fist fight you, They make an attempt to wrestle you instead. Or they assume they have to shoot/stab you.
#37 Friends ask you to change light bulbs.
#38 If pulled over, the officer will always ask you to step out of the vehicle.
#39 You can't take a bath.
#40 You won't live as long. Either heart attack or cancer simply because there is more of you.
#41 your feet hang off every bed.
#42 When you take a shower, the shower head is aimed directly at your face.
#43 Your back hurts.
#44 The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
#45 You can't fit in a tanning bed.
#46 Small dogs always attack you, especially when the dogs owner insists the dog doesn't bite.
#47 You won't bend down to pick up change, even if they're quarters.
#48 If you see a dollar bill on the floor, you still have to consider if it's worth it to bend down & pick it up.
#49 If you try to pee in a urinal, there is a real possibility that you may accidentally pee on the person next to you.
#50 If a Woman Has Big breasts, to you, they are still small as your hands are huge.
#51 If a Woman has small breasts, then you're really in trouble.
#52 At a Bar/Club, as soon as you enter you can see the bouncer talking in his earpiece saying "hey watch this guy".
#53 Ceiling fans. Need I say More?
#54 You have to duck under the shower curtain rod to take a shower.
#54 When your near most females, your manhood is almost at their eye level. Disclaimer: (at one time, this was a PRO)
#55 When shaking anyone's hand, You almost always hurt them accidentally.
#56 You will be asked your shoe size on average of ounce every other day, followed by some sort of joke.
#57 While walking behind someone, you seem to accidentally kick them or step on their heel.
#58 While calmly walking with anyone, they often tell you to stop running.
#59 You can't have sex in a vehicle. At least, you can't do any of the work.
#60 You continuously elbow women & children in the forehead accidentally, but they always think you meant to do it.
#61 Everyone seems to think you are trying to get their atm password while standing behind them in line. (please refer to PROS #44)
#62 I was 14 pounds, 26 inches at birth. Needless to say, I'm an only child...
#63 You can't find a skateboard big enough.
#64 You can't play Put Put
#65 At the bowling alley, they only have one pair of shoes your size, which are normally pink & yellow. Also, you know that only other sloths your size have worn them before.
#66 With being tall comes big hands & long fingers allowing you to play the piano, However, Your Mother may marry your piano teacher after divorcing your father. (see pro #51)
#67 69 while exciting, is difficult as she can reach you, however you can't reach her in that position.
PRO's
#1 You can always see how much further you have to go when in line.
#2 You will always be picked first, to be on someones team, in any sport.
#3 Strangers think you are somebody important, maybe even famous.
#4 Without reservations, you always get seated next regardless of how many people are waiting for a table.
#5 Women often fantasize about sleeping with someone as tall as you, just ounce.
#6 Women often act on their fantasy eventually.
#7 People get out of your way.
#8 When you get angry, people pay attention.
#9 You can touch the rim, palm any basketball.
#10 You will never loose at thumb wrestling.
#11 You can walk up flights of stairs, 6-8 steps at a time.
#12 You have an advantage in any physical confrontation.
#13 No one can block you at a movie theater, sporting event, anywhere.
#14 You wear custom tailored suits because you can not buy off the rack.
#15 You can see down any woman's shirt.
#16 You are physically stronger than most.
#17 You always get shotgun even if someone else called it first.
#18 The biggest/tallest guy in the room besides yourself, instantly becomes your friend.
#19 You don't need any help grabbing items at sams club.
#20 You can often get small commercial roles as the tall guy, both on tv & in print.
#21 You can flat foot any bike.
#22 You don't need to ever step on your trucks running boards.
#23 You get to block people by sitting or standing in front of them.
#24 Most of your clothes are black or a solid color because they don't make that one cool shirt with all the designs for Hulks.
#25 You can protect your wife, friends in a physical situation.
#26 You can reach behind the couch.
#27 You can run very fast.
#28 You can jump higher than most.
#29 You have leverage on almost everything made for the average person.
#30 No One argues when you claim it's too small.
#31 While at the gym, you look like you belong.
#32 You can comfortably fit on a Hayabusa.
#33 Your wife cooks more.
#34 Large dogs like Pit Bulls & German shepherds, look like poodles to you.
#35 You don't sweat the small stuff.
#36 When a short person is talking smack to you, it's easier to walk away knowing that you could step on him like a marlboro if you wanted.
#37 Your voice carries farther.
#38 I know it's raining before you do.
#39 If a girl is thick, through your eyes you might not notice.
#40 At a bar or a club, you have no problem getting the bartenders attention.
#41 you can see over the bank tellers window.
#42 You can play pool better, reach any ball on the table.
#43 When you drop something onto the passenger side floor of a vehicle, you can reach over & pick it up.
#44 I can see your atm password.
#45 When a women tells you your the biggest she's ever had, she's probably telling the truth.
#46 When at an NFL or NBA game, it is easy to get autographs as the players probably think you played college ball ect, based on your size.
#47 You can normally get people to loan you money
#48 At the bar, you can bump into people intentionally & they won't do anything.
#49 Generally, you can cut in line.
#50 Tennis comes easy to you.
#51 Hulk's have long fingers, Which allow you to play the piano very well with practice (see con #66)
#52 Having long fingers allows you to please females who are attracted to long fingers.
#53 Having sex while the woman is on a counter top or washing machine is easy for you.
Jokes I like to play to keep life interesting...
#1 Hey Mr, do you play basketball? Look, i'm just here to get lunch today, no autographs please... OMG who are you?
#2 Hey Mr, You look like that one guy from that one movie. Please, quiet down, I've had a tough day & TMZ has been stalking me.
#3 Hey Mr, Do you play football? I'm not sure about this season, they only want to offer me 4.1 million for a 2 year extension but my agent says to hold out for 6.
#4 Hey Mr, how did you get to be so big & tall? As a child, I drank 2 gallons of milk a day.
#5 Hey Mr, How's the weather up there hahahaha? I don't know smurf, what's it like to be a jockey.
#6 Hey Mr, I wish I was as tall as you. It's good to have dreams.
#7 Hey Mr, You know what they say about men with big feet? No, But an X-GF said she now knows it's true (shrug)
#8 Hey Mr, You're really tall. Wow, you know? I never really thought about it until you brought it up. I guess I am heh.
There are many more, but I'm done typing this randomness...
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